I watched the remake of Friday the 13th last night. I know it's been out for some time now, but that's pretty much how my movie watching is now, my new releases are about 6 months behind the rest of society. What a stupid movie.
Let's be clear, I was not expecting Avatar, but I find it difficult to pay attention to a movie when I'm rolling my eyes every 5 minutes. Maybe I missed the point, but wasn't this movie, and movies of this ilk, supposed to be, oh I don't know, scary! I think part of the problem is movie makers (writers, directors, etc) have confused gory with scary. More blood and creative ways to murder do not equal scary. Wouldn't it much scarier if the characters were relatable and real? Not rich, horny, moron college kids? Seriously, how the F did these people even get into a college, ANY college? These kids should be riding on the short bus. Our friends are missing, you know what we should do? Have sex or split up and go out into the dark alone and look for them. I've not seen such stupid charaters in a movie since Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne. But at least they were supposed to be dumb.
If it were just this movie, perhaps the stupidity of the victims could be forgiven but it's every single horror movie. It's like a monkey wrote these movies. Maybe I'm just expecting too much, but someone somewhere, must be able to write a truely scary movie! Please!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Observations from the Movie Theatre
We went to see to How to Train Your Dragon last week at the local big screen cinema. The movie was excellent, but I have some complaints, as you may well have guessed, aside from the ticket prices, which have gone up again. This is due to them raising the minimum wage. How that works I dunno.
First off, we got there on time. Seeing that there are 2 1/2 hours of commercials for every 2 hours of movie, I figured we have plenty of time to get our seats for a 1:20 start at 1:15. But of course we need some snacks first. So I get my fine self in the looong line at the concession. This has got to be the slowest lineup on earth. I've been in lines at the Ministry of Transportation that moved faster. Now me, I take this opportunity to check the board and see what it is exactly I want to order. I mean what the hell else are you gonna do in line? Finally the line moves to the woman in front of me. By this time I have been in line for literally 10 minutes. Shamu gets up to counter then promptly hums and haas as to what to buy. Seriously? We just stood in line for 10 minutes and you still don't know what to order? It's a frickin movie theatre! Just order a goddamn garbage bag of popcorn and barrel of pop like the rest of us! Nope skinny wants nachos, popcorn, peanuts, skittles, and to top it off cotton candy. Cotton Candy??? WTF! I didn't even know they had that! I thought cotton candy was like Christmas fruit cake. You see it everywhere, but no one actually eats that shit do they? Anyway after making the poor kid behind the counter walk the equivalent of a trip from here to Istanbul, she finally has everything she wants. Her total is $46! Holy crap! That's a steak dinner lady!
I finally have my popcorn and pop and am ready for the movie. I did however miss the coming attractions, which I must admit I do enjoy seeing. It was a very busy movie and there we 5 of us. You think we could find 5 seats together? Nope! I missed the memo put out by the local government regarding the spread of cooties apparantly. I guess the rule is you have to leave at least 2 seats between you and the stranger beside you. Heaven forbid you scooched down and sat beside someone you didn't know! We needed one of those old ushers form the 20's with one of those three foot flashlights to make people move. Anywho, we ended up sitting in one of the first 2 rows of seats. They did recline nicely, so I guess it all worked out in the end.
First off, we got there on time. Seeing that there are 2 1/2 hours of commercials for every 2 hours of movie, I figured we have plenty of time to get our seats for a 1:20 start at 1:15. But of course we need some snacks first. So I get my fine self in the looong line at the concession. This has got to be the slowest lineup on earth. I've been in lines at the Ministry of Transportation that moved faster. Now me, I take this opportunity to check the board and see what it is exactly I want to order. I mean what the hell else are you gonna do in line? Finally the line moves to the woman in front of me. By this time I have been in line for literally 10 minutes. Shamu gets up to counter then promptly hums and haas as to what to buy. Seriously? We just stood in line for 10 minutes and you still don't know what to order? It's a frickin movie theatre! Just order a goddamn garbage bag of popcorn and barrel of pop like the rest of us! Nope skinny wants nachos, popcorn, peanuts, skittles, and to top it off cotton candy. Cotton Candy??? WTF! I didn't even know they had that! I thought cotton candy was like Christmas fruit cake. You see it everywhere, but no one actually eats that shit do they? Anyway after making the poor kid behind the counter walk the equivalent of a trip from here to Istanbul, she finally has everything she wants. Her total is $46! Holy crap! That's a steak dinner lady!
I finally have my popcorn and pop and am ready for the movie. I did however miss the coming attractions, which I must admit I do enjoy seeing. It was a very busy movie and there we 5 of us. You think we could find 5 seats together? Nope! I missed the memo put out by the local government regarding the spread of cooties apparantly. I guess the rule is you have to leave at least 2 seats between you and the stranger beside you. Heaven forbid you scooched down and sat beside someone you didn't know! We needed one of those old ushers form the 20's with one of those three foot flashlights to make people move. Anywho, we ended up sitting in one of the first 2 rows of seats. They did recline nicely, so I guess it all worked out in the end.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Canadian TV
So I'm watching the Superbowl last night on CTV, (technically I was watching CBS, the CRTC forces me to watch CTV), and I learned something I didn't know. Did you know the winter olympics are coming to Vancouver? AND, did you know CTV was carrying the games? I had no idea! My God! Was it necessary to have not one but at least 2 commercials for the olypics during every single commercial break?! I thought for sure they were going to premept the game so Donald Sutherland could mumble his way through a mini bio of Canada's only one eyed crokinole player. Halfway through the third quarter, I fell to my knees crying, my fists raised aboved my head, all the while blubbering, "I believe, I believe, make it stop!"
Yes CTV, I get it, you're carrying the games. If I get "I believe" shaved into my back hair will you give the commercials a friggin rest? Holy crap, they more relentless than a PBS pledge drive! If I hear that girl sing that cheesy, I guess it's supposed to be motivational, song one more time I may projectile vomit!
So not only was forced to sit through 321,456,987 CTV olympic commercials during one football game, thanks to the CRTC, I missed all the good U.S. commercials that go with Superbowl! But hey, at least I know the name and hometown and every single member of the Canadian olympic team.
Yes CTV, I get it, you're carrying the games. If I get "I believe" shaved into my back hair will you give the commercials a friggin rest? Holy crap, they more relentless than a PBS pledge drive! If I hear that girl sing that cheesy, I guess it's supposed to be motivational, song one more time I may projectile vomit!
So not only was forced to sit through 321,456,987 CTV olympic commercials during one football game, thanks to the CRTC, I missed all the good U.S. commercials that go with Superbowl! But hey, at least I know the name and hometown and every single member of the Canadian olympic team.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tips For Writing Your Online Dating Profile
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Steroids in Baseball
So Mark McGwire finally admitted to using steroids yesterday. Wow, I'm shocked. In other news the sky is blue. Big deal! Anyone with a brain in their head knew he was on steroids, AND they knew it in '98 when he and Sammy Sosa battled back and forth to break the single season homerun record.
Why was he a hero then and a goat now? Did the media actually think he was clean back then? The man was built like Michael Cera for the first few years of career and then, suddenly, he shows up for spring training looking like he has 100 year old oak trees under his jersey! Well duh!
Look, the only people who care about steroids in baseball are the media and holier than thou non-fans. The vast majority of fans don't care! They want to see dingers, taters, moon shots! Steroids are not magic beans for pete's sake! They don't suddenly give you the ability to play baseball. You still have to have the skills!
I hope Big Mac gets his due from the Hall of Fame, but I don't have much faith in the Baseball writers for voting him in. They knew damn well he was on the juice when they were writing about him in '98 when he almost single handledly saved baseball after the strike, but now that it's become a scandle, we will boo and hiss him! I wish I was as self important as a baseball writer. If you let an asshole like Ty Cobb in, for God's sake, let McGwire in. And Bonds and Rose too! But don't get me started on Rose, thats another rant for another time.
Why was he a hero then and a goat now? Did the media actually think he was clean back then? The man was built like Michael Cera for the first few years of career and then, suddenly, he shows up for spring training looking like he has 100 year old oak trees under his jersey! Well duh!
Look, the only people who care about steroids in baseball are the media and holier than thou non-fans. The vast majority of fans don't care! They want to see dingers, taters, moon shots! Steroids are not magic beans for pete's sake! They don't suddenly give you the ability to play baseball. You still have to have the skills!
I hope Big Mac gets his due from the Hall of Fame, but I don't have much faith in the Baseball writers for voting him in. They knew damn well he was on the juice when they were writing about him in '98 when he almost single handledly saved baseball after the strike, but now that it's become a scandle, we will boo and hiss him! I wish I was as self important as a baseball writer. If you let an asshole like Ty Cobb in, for God's sake, let McGwire in. And Bonds and Rose too! But don't get me started on Rose, thats another rant for another time.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Simpsons
Tonight is the 20th anniversary of the Simpson's or some such nonsense. Let me be honest. I can't stand this train wreck. The last oh, let me see, 15 years of this show have made Fonzie's jumping of the shark look like the finale of M.A.S.H!
I mean honestly, is anybody watching Homer get stupider and stupider every week, or are we all just cringing through 30 minutes of yellow skinned hell to get to the cavalcade of Seth MacFarlane? Well maybe now that the Conan O'Brien's Tonight show is tanking, he'll come back to work for the Simpson's. After all, he was a writer on the show the last time it was any good. Just my two cents.
I mean honestly, is anybody watching Homer get stupider and stupider every week, or are we all just cringing through 30 minutes of yellow skinned hell to get to the cavalcade of Seth MacFarlane? Well maybe now that the Conan O'Brien's Tonight show is tanking, he'll come back to work for the Simpson's. After all, he was a writer on the show the last time it was any good. Just my two cents.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
