Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Oddest/Worst Casting Choices

So I've been off of work for going on 7 weeks now. But recently I found $60 in the parking lot at my local library branch and since as of today Lance Armstrong and I are now tied for Tour de France wins. I figure things are picking up for me! I guess it's about time for another blog entry.

With all my down time I've been watching a lot of movies lately. Most are movies I've already seen... many times. But some are just movies I'm revisiting for the first time in many years. While watching Jaws it occurred to me; what's up with the old broad with the 10 year old son? Well in honour of Alex Kintner's Mom, here's my picks for oddest casting choices in no particular order;
"Kiss me Bruce"

Maggie Gyllenhaal in The Dark Knight

The primary role of any love interest in any superhero movie, even a Christopher Nolan superhero movie, is to be pretty and be available for abduction. Mags nailed the B requirement but unfortunately falls short of the most important part, PRETTY! "Hi there. I'm Bruce Wayne and I have a ugly girl fetish." Too mean? Sorry friends. Here's Billionaire Playboy Bruce Wayne, he could have any woman he wants, and he picks the homeliest girl in Gotham? C'mon she looks like Eric Stoltz in Mask. (Good movie, even with Cher, check it out).

Yes kids, this almost happened.
Nicolas Cage as Superman

Oh sweet merciful gods of casting in Hollywood, we thank thee for not actually letting this abomination see the light of day! It was the late 90's and Tim Burton had apparently suffered a brain aneurysm when he decided he wanted to make a new Superman movie staring one our generation's worst actors. Take a long hard look at the picture folks. It is strangely hypnotic in a train wreck kind of way. Look away, I dare you! I think you'll agree, no other words are necessary.

Lee Fierro in Jaws


Miss Amity 1917

Don't know the name? I'm not surprised. I IMDB'd her and her only credits are Jaws and Jaws: The Revenge. Not too surprising considering she looked to be in her 60's in Jaws. In a movie that's so great she was oddly miscast as young Alex Kintner's mom. You remember Alex, the 10 year old on the raft eaten by Jaws? That's him, the pre teen with the octegenarian mom.



Adam Sandler in ANY tough guy role.


Am I missing something? When did movie makers decide we are all so dense that we would think Adam Sandler could pull off any sort of tough guy role. OK try it once, but please, with a few exceptions, every role?Sandler barely qualifies as funny as it is with is high pitched voice and constant yelling. Please don't make us swallow the fact that he is a strong rugged man's man on top of it.


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Kate Bosworth in Superman Returns

I realize I'm in the minority of people who actually like Superman Returns. I thought Brandon Routh was a fantastic choice for Supes and Kevin Spacey is always great. Why oh why then did Bryan Singer pick a 20 year old blond (yes I know Amy Adams is a redhead) to play Pulitzer prize winning mother Lois Lane? This is the opposite of the above. Unlike Mrs. Kintner, she's too young! So Lois won a Pulitzer at 15 and became a mother at 18? Perhaps if they made a direct sequel it would have been revealed that she was really Lois's long lost 12 year old daughter playing dress up with mommy's clothes.


Jake Lloyd/Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker

Oh George you silly bugger! I have now become convinced that George Lucas suffered an unknown stroke in about 1990ish thus removing any ability to make good decisions. Jake Lloyd was his pick to play prepubescent Darth Vader. OK maybe the kid wowed during the audition process and froze when the cameras rolled like Fred Flintstone. But did they not watch Jingle all the Way? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on George.

scared yet?


"So we're ready to cast for the younger version of the most iconic villain in cinema history George."
"Excellent, lets get the whiniest, stiffest, scrawniest guys in here first. Oh, oh and he shouldn't be too tall." Is how I imagine that production meeting went. We're to believe this brat makes an ex-queen fall in love with him and grow up to run the Empire? Really?



Tuesday, January 24, 2012

My top 10 Action Scenes


1 Saving Private Ryan

The opening 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan are enough to win an Oscar on their own. Never has the brutality and terror of war ever been presented so memorably. It is quite possibly the best war movie ever.

2 Heat

This Robert DeNiro Al Pacino actioner contains one the best shootout scenes ever put to film. Watching Val Kilmer and Robert DeNiro shoot their way out of downtown Los Angeles is heart pounding! Turn your volume up and let the violence wash over you... ahhhhhh... good stuff.

3 The Dark Knight

There are so many good things about The Dark Knight, particularly the open sequence with the Joker pulling of the heist of a mob bank. The scene is made even better by the always great William Fichtner as the bank manager. By the way, I think Aaron Eckhart would have made a better Bruce Wayne/Batman. The gruff Batman voice Christian Bale puts on just doesn't work for me.

4 Speed

Not so much a scene but pretty much an entire half of the movie, the bus with a bomb racing through Los Angeles is a fun, heart pounding, ride. Dennis Hopper as the baddie doesn't hurt either. Speed also has the distinction of being one of only 2 good Keanu Reeves movies as well.

5 Die Hard with A Vengeance

One of my favourite action movies ever. The original Die Hard will go down in action movie history as one of the greatest, but for me number 3 is better. With Samuel L Jackson on board and set in New York, watching John MacLean and Zeus race around solving Jeremy Irons' riddles is both funny and exciting.

6 Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade

The escape from Castle Grunwald is some of the best Indy action ever! From the moment Henry Jones Sr. sets the room on fire to the moment Indy and his dad out race a wingless plane through a tunnel to Senior taking down a German fighter plane armed with only an umbrella and seagulls. What's not to like?

7 Robocop

It's mega-violent and mega fun! I think there was less machine gun fire during the Iraq War, but that's exactly what makes this movie great. Add Kurtwood smith as the purely sadistic Clarence Boddiker and Miguel Ferrer as the stereo typical 80's yuppie business man and this is a classic action movie!


8 Casino Royale

I didn't think Daniel Craig was the best choice to play 007 when I first heard the news but he pulls it off amazingly. Casino Royale opens with an absolutely eye popping parkour chase that has to be seen to be believed. Just one of the scenes that makes Casino Royale the best of the James Bond movies. That's right, THE BEST!

9 The Rock

It's 12 years old and stars Nicholas Cage. You would think Nicholas Cage alone would make this movie garbage. After all he makes every other movie he's in garbage. But thankfully it also stars Sean Connery, one one of the coolest men to ever walk the earth, and that includes Jesus. It's a treat watching Sean rampage through the streets of San Francisco in a stolen Hummer.

10 Jaws

C'mon, it's Jaws! Is there anyone who hasn't seen it? It was super scary back in the day, but admittedly, not so much now. My son watched it and didn't think it was nearly as scary as it was back in olden days, but it's still a beauty!

Friday, January 6, 2012

I'm a Twit


So I did it. I gave in to cyber peer pressure and finally joined Twitter. I always said they took the most annoying part of Facebook, that being the status updates, and made their own website. Yay! I get to hear about the fiddle-faddle and most mundane events in peoples lives! Now that's sarcasm! I can't even begin to tell you how little I care that your washing the dishes, or walking the dog, or painting your nails, or reading the latest issue of US. Don't get me wrong I like hearing and reading about IMPORTANT updates in peoples lives, you bought a new car, you got a new job, or even your review on the latest movie(s). But minutia? Nuh-huh!

However! I must admit, that twitter is mildly amusing. I quite enjoy reading some of the comedic updates from the celebs. Particularly enjoying Steve Martin. Anyway I guess you can call me a twit now.