Harry Potter and the Quite Frankly I Don't Care

Today I treated myself to a movie. I went to see Transformers 3. I quite enjoyed it, it was a typical, big blockbuster summer popcorn flick and great way to kill a couple of hours. It almost made up for Transformers 2... almost. But I digress, for this is not the reason for my post and the reason I have come out of blogging semi-retirement. With apologies to Harry Potter fans.

Today at my local cinema house the last installment of the Harry Potter franchise will premier at midnight. My movie started at 12pm. There were already people lined up for the midnight showing. When my movie ended at around 2:30, the lineup had swelled to the length of the building. Now lining up for a movie 12 hours early is not in itself all that bad. And even though I would never lineup for 12 hours, I can understand it, after all I am a Star Trek geek.

However in line, were full grown adults, mostly women, who seemed to not have any mental deficiencies or learning disorders, who were in full costume, complete with wands. Ok, so now we're bordering on full blown nerd alert! (In fairness I would say the same thing about trekkies). But even though I have never dressed up myself, I know where they are coming from, I am a Star Trek geek.

The thing that pushed me over the edge and compelled my cranky self to blog was the fact that in broad daylight, in full view of anyone with eyes that work, and at the top of their lungs I might add, they were casting imaginary spells on each other and cheering each other on. Wow! Seriously people? Did I mention I'm Star Trek geek? I have buckets of mint in package Star Trek action figures, I have all my movies and series DVDs prominently displayed in my home, IN MY HOME, and I can tell you with certainty that I have never seen anything so fucking nerdy in all my life, and I have been to the Star Trek experience in Las Vegas people!

I will admit that I have never read a Harry Potter book, but I have tried, oh how I've tried to watch the movies! What the hell am I missing? NOTHING happens! I don't care about the characters, I felt no sense of peril for them. Honestly, help me out here, am I watching some chinese bootlegged copies of the movies? My God, what is compelling these adults to wait in line for over 12 hours? Presumably they have already read the books and know how it will end! What's the payoff? I don't get it.

Well to anyone who does like the Harry Potter movies, enjoy! I will be at home drinking my Romulan Ale, making fun of you. :)

We've Hit A New Low

I don't blog often. To this day I don't even know where the term blog came from or what it means. But once in a while something happens that just drives a man to rant. Today such a something happened. In its infinite wisdom the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council (CBSC) has banned Money for Nothing by Dire Straits.

On the heels of the decision in the states to edit Mark Twain's Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer, the CBSC has found that a radio station in Newfoundland breached the Canadian Association of Broadcasters’ (CAB) Code of Ethics and Equitable Portrayal Code in its broadcast of the song “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits on February 1, 2010. The song contained a word that referred to sexual orientation in a derogatory way. All radio stations who are members of the Canadian Broadcast Standard’s Counsel must adhere to the code.

So ONE woman in Newfoundland complained about the word "faggot" and now the song is banned which means it can only be played in an edited form. Where the hell do we live, North Korea? One stupid person complains and a song is banned? Since when did one person make the rules? Don't we need a majority of people in a democracy?

ONE woman complained about a 25 year old song and now it has to be edited. 25 years old people! Does this woman live in a cave? There are what, 30+ million people in Canada? Is there anyone who hasn't heard this song? 25 years later she complains? Get a life!

By the way, the word "fag" is allowed but not faggot. How long before "I Shot the Sheriff" or "Hey Joe" (who's going down to shoot his old lady) is banned? How long before "Imagine" is banned? It's not as if I'm a huge fan of Dire Straits but censorship stinks! Here's a novel idea, and this goes for the Mark Twain editing too, how about EDUCATING rather than relying on the government to babysit you or your kids. Or here's an even better idea, change the fucking channel idiot!

Banning song lyrics is a slippery slope. A downward slope. Banning words gives them power, instead of hiding them we need to look at them in their context, (Money for Nothing and Tom Sawyer are both about intolerance,) their history, their meaning. Hey I'm all for hate speech laws but this is not that. This out and out censorship and it's not right!

The Stupidity of Horror Movies

I watched the remake of Friday the 13th last night. I know it's been out for some time now, but that's pretty much how my movie watching is now, my new releases are about 6 months behind the rest of society. What a stupid movie.

Let's be clear, I was not expecting Avatar, but I find it difficult to pay attention to a movie when I'm rolling my eyes every 5 minutes. Maybe I missed the point, but wasn't this movie, and movies of this ilk, supposed to be, oh I don't know, scary! I think part of the problem is movie makers (writers, directors, etc) have confused gory with scary. More blood and creative ways to murder do not equal scary. Wouldn't it much scarier if the characters were relatable and real? Not rich, horny, moron college kids? Seriously, how the F did these people even get into a college, ANY college? These kids should be riding on the short bus. Our friends are missing, you know what we should do? Have sex or split up and go out into the dark alone and look for them. I've not seen such stupid charaters in a movie since Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne. But at least they were supposed to be dumb.

If it were just this movie, perhaps the stupidity of the victims could be forgiven but it's every single horror movie. It's like a monkey wrote these movies. Maybe I'm just expecting too much, but someone somewhere, must be able to write a truely scary movie! Please!

Observations from the Movie Theatre

We went to see to How to Train Your Dragon last week at the local big screen cinema. The movie was excellent, but I have some complaints, as you may well have guessed, aside from the ticket prices, which have gone up again. This is due to them raising the minimum wage. How that works I dunno.

First off, we got there on time. Seeing that there are 2 1/2 hours of commercials for every 2 hours of movie, I figured we have plenty of time to get our seats for a 1:20 start at 1:15. But of course we need some snacks first. So I get my fine self in the looong line at the concession. This has got to be the slowest lineup on earth. I've been in lines at the Ministry of Transportation that moved faster. Now me, I take this opportunity to check the board and see what it is exactly I want to order. I mean what the hell else are you gonna do in line? Finally the line moves to the woman in front of me. By this time I have been in line for literally 10 minutes. Shamu gets up to counter then promptly hums and haas as to what to buy. Seriously? We just stood in line for 10 minutes and you still don't know what to order? It's a frickin movie theatre! Just order a goddamn garbage bag of popcorn and barrel of pop like the rest of us! Nope skinny wants nachos, popcorn, peanuts, skittles, and to top it off cotton candy. Cotton Candy??? WTF! I didn't even know they had that! I thought cotton candy was like Christmas fruit cake. You see it everywhere, but no one actually eats that shit do they? Anyway after making the poor kid behind the counter walk the equivalent of a trip from here to Istanbul, she finally has everything she wants. Her total is $46! Holy crap! That's a steak dinner lady!

I finally have my popcorn and pop and am ready for the movie. I did however miss the coming attractions, which I must admit I do enjoy seeing. It was a very busy movie and there we 5 of us. You think we could find 5 seats together? Nope! I missed the memo put out by the local government regarding the spread of cooties apparantly. I guess the rule is you have to leave at least 2 seats between you and the stranger beside you. Heaven forbid you scooched down and sat beside someone you didn't know! We needed one of those old ushers form the 20's with one of those three foot flashlights to make people move. Anywho, we ended up sitting in one of the first 2 rows of seats. They did recline nicely, so I guess it all worked out in the end.

Canadian TV

So I'm watching the Superbowl last night on CTV, (technically I was watching CBS, the CRTC forces me to watch CTV), and I learned something I didn't know. Did you know the winter olympics are coming to Vancouver? AND, did you know CTV was carrying the games? I had no idea! My God! Was it necessary to have not one but at least 2 commercials for the olypics during every single commercial break?! I thought for sure they were going to premept the game so Donald Sutherland could mumble his way through a mini bio of Canada's only one eyed crokinole player. Halfway through the third quarter, I fell to my knees crying, my fists raised aboved my head, all the while blubbering, "I believe, I believe, make it stop!"

Yes CTV, I get it, you're carrying the games. If I get "I believe" shaved into my back hair will you give the commercials a friggin rest? Holy crap, they more relentless than a PBS pledge drive! If I hear that girl sing that cheesy, I guess it's supposed to be motivational, song one more time I may projectile vomit!

So not only was forced to sit through 321,456,987 CTV olympic commercials during one football game, thanks to the CRTC, I missed all the good U.S. commercials that go with Superbowl! But hey, at least I know the name and hometown and every single member of the Canadian olympic team.

Tips For Writing Your Online Dating Profile

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Steroids in Baseball

So Mark McGwire finally admitted to using steroids yesterday. Wow, I'm shocked. In other news the sky is blue. Big deal! Anyone with a brain in their head knew he was on steroids, AND they knew it in '98 when he and Sammy Sosa battled back and forth to break the single season homerun record.

Why was he a hero then and a goat now? Did the media actually think he was clean back then? The man was built like Michael Cera for the first few years of career and then, suddenly, he shows up for spring training looking like he has 100 year old oak trees under his jersey! Well duh!

Look, the only people who care about steroids in baseball are the media and holier than thou non-fans. The vast majority of fans don't care! They want to see dingers, taters, moon shots! Steroids are not magic beans for pete's sake! They don't suddenly give you the ability to play baseball. You still have to have the skills!

I hope Big Mac gets his due from the Hall of Fame, but I don't have much faith in the Baseball writers for voting him in. They knew damn well he was on the juice when they were writing about him in '98 when he almost single handledly saved baseball after the strike, but now that it's become a scandle, we will boo and hiss him! I wish I was as self important as a baseball writer. If you let an asshole like Ty Cobb in, for God's sake, let McGwire in. And Bonds and Rose too! But don't get me started on Rose, thats another rant for another time.